I'm not talking about foreigners relationships with the Japanese. I'm talking about their friendships with each other. They always seem so impersonal.

I have had the fortune of making friends with a Japanese girl who is now one of my best friends. (I'm in the US and she lives in Japan) But she is always telling me personal things because she says she cant talk about that kind of stuff to her friends. They only talk on a superficial level and internalize a lot of what they are feeling and thinking. I know that comes from the traditional asian culture, but its 2010!

Why do Japanese feel that they can't be honest with each other? American relationships are completely the opposite. I tell my friends and family absolutely everything. Maybe too much. Lol. Perhaps someone can enlighten me on this issue?

^_^\/

Hi

Don't know why they are like that.. but you are right.

I know they don't like talking about anything negative because they don't want to bring anyone down.. (complaining or not coping is not cool here either)
and they don't like talking about sex and stuff because they think that makes them look cheap..

So maybe if you take those things out, it makes have a close relationship hard...

My friend says Japanese people are robots.. bit harsh but he has a point maybe..

Mine & my friends' experiences might shed some light. keep in mind it's a mix of Japanese, Chinese, & Korean American experiences, we're mostly americanized but are parents are traditional so things like that may affect how relationships go.

The general, bare-bones rule is that you can depend on family but no one else, even friends. so it's expected you will be super close to your family while "friends" are just another medium to have fun (since it is boring to be by yourself).

Most of our parents (who are from their respective countries) don't understand why we value our friends so highly. They just think if they don't like it, you had a fight with one, etc then just forget about them & find a new friend that is more agreeable. It's mainly a issue of family will protect/help you in your time of need while friends may betray/abandon you in the same situation so best not discuss intimate stuff w/ them.

In fact the true reason for this relationship dynamic may have been lost. I think confucius & other dead old geezers wrote something down & everyone just lived life like they instructed & it is how it is today.

Now ABC/J/Ks have a special problem & that's we aren't 100% close w/ family either since the rule of the house is "my way or the highway." If my mom doesn't like my music, I can't like my music. So my music life is actually a secret. One Japanese friend even has to hide his visual kei stuff cuz it will not go well w/ his parents. I noticed that on both sides of the pacific you either have VERY rebellious or VERY obedient kids & there is rarely a middle ground for anything!

This isn't true for everybody, there are plenty of modernized families & close friends but those aren't part of the "Asian Tradition." Also, being traditional (wherever from asia one is from) isn't that bad-i just discussed the bad.

Sorry for the long post & terribly sorry for the ranting (& that it's barely relevant to Japanese relationships).

no way, your post was really interesting. I guess it does explain somewhat the rationality about the suspiciously (to a westener) 2D relationships in asian countries.

I just hope that when i go to work there (got an ESL job starting in Sept) I can manage to swing some over to my side, so I can have some real connections and friendships (or is that me just being an arrogant foreigner? lol). it's just that i'll have no family there, so who am i supposed to depend on instead then? and i don't want to be one of those foreigners who doesn't mingle with the natives and just hangs out with the other english speaking people

Congratulations on the Job and may I ask how you got it?

Thanks ^_^! I'm pretty stoked myself.

As to how I got it:
There's a company called AEON that recruits worldwide- they have monthly interviews in several major cities in Australia (where I am), so I went to their website, read the application details, emailed with a letter 'why I want to live and work in Japan'. I assume they liked it (if they even read it) they confirmed and emailed details about what I needed, what to expect etc (stuff like to prepare a 30m lesson plan and aids for a 5m demo lesson at the group interview and stuff). If you do well they call you back for a second personal interview the next day (where they spring a 'surprise' impromptu ten minute grammar lesson on you!) and hear back from them two weeks later if you're successful, arrange to sign forms, agree to locations and so on!

AEON's a good looking company, I had another Australian friend who worked with them, the hours are tough (but most of them are, so you just have to deal with it), the holidays are decent and they seem pretty accommodating about preferences for school preferences and locations.

If you're looking for work they probably have AEON interviews in your country. It's your best shot- I applied to like a million online posts but there's crazy competition, plus the face-to-face thing is much more effective for making yourself memorable and selling your skills